Scorecard vs Grace

I was in my bedroom earlier this afternoon, folding laundry and putting clothes away. My husband came into the room to do a few things and a comment was made which drew this response from me; "Well, I have done 3 loads of laundry, washed dishes, unloaded the dishwasher, fed the animals, swept the floors, (we have wooden floors throughout most of our home and I have a slight case of O.C.D.; meaning I can not let dirt lie) vacuumed the rugs, made lunch, dusted the furniture and the day isn't half over yet. What have you done?" He immediately stopped what he was doing, grabbed my attention with his silence and lack of movement, and responded, "Are we keeping score again?"

I have a competitive nature and score keeping is in my blood. This is okay, and actually perceived as a desirable trait, in sports and business, but it is detrimental to a successful marriage. What do I consider to be a successful marriage? First, you need to be married. Second, you have to like being married to your spouse.

This has not always been the case for my husband and I. We have been married for a little over ten years. We are blessed with two children. Our oldest is not my husbands natural born child, but he is the only father our son knows. We have faced many obstacles; including 7 months of separation during our 7th year of marriage.

I speak from experience and with confidence when I say that score keeping is not healthy! It promotes death where there should be life. It is the poison that so many of us cling to as the cure for our pain. It is how we justify our actions and responses. "You have/have not done this for me, so therefore I am only being fair to myself by responding in this manner." What we fail to realize, or choose not to care about, is that death inevitably puts up another stone on the wall of division; making restoration much more difficult. You begin to shut down and the only thing that matters is how many points you have racked up and how many strikes your spouse has accrued.

Enter Grace.

Grace extended. Grace received. Grace given freely. Grace that has no end. Pure Grace.

My husband and I were having 'one of those talks' months ago. We were frustrated and desperately trying to understand one another. My husband looked pleadingly at me and said, "All I expect from you, the only thing I desire, is grace. And in return, you should expect the same of me."

I have thought long and hard about this. Of all the expectations I could place upon him, this one ultimately serves us both. It is freedom to love and be loved. For in my weakness he will be strong. In his weakness I will be strong. We choose, I'll say it again, we choose to love the other above our self. It goes against every vibe of our sinful nature; to choose someone else above our self. It is the premiere sacrifice.

If you are struggling with extending grace, believe me I understand. But I challenge you to try. For I have also lived this side of marriage, and might I say, I like being married to my spouse.